Accidental Hawaiian Calzone

Ok, so, let me preface this by saying that this one of the yummiest accidents I’ve made to date. I started to make a Hawaiian pizza and everything was going as planned. Since I decided to buy dough instead of making it myself, I was expecting a very cinchy dinner. I floured my board and successfully rolled the dough out into a perfect circle. I even reflected on how dough, and more specifically, any application involving my rolling pin, used to pique my frustration levels so much so that whatever I was working on often landed in the trash.

Anyway, happy about my now masterful use of a rolling pin, I began to think about assembling the pizza. Here’s where the catastrophe occurred – I gingerly spread the sauce over top of the dough, sprinkling with a few crushed red pepper flakes for fun. I then continued with the ham, pineapple, and finally, the cheese. And then it occurred to me that I had absolutely no way of getting this pizza, laying heavily on my cutting board, into the actual oven. Fuck. I of course should have removed the pizza stone that I was preheating in the oven and carried the dough onto that before topping. Fuck. Anyway, I thought I might just pick it up and transfer it. Nope. Dough is stretchy, people. No dice. So I just folded it in half and used a spatula to move it on over to the stone. Vioila! But, oh crap. Now it’s kinda ruined. I tried to take the glass-half-full approach and began to conceptualize this folded pizza messiness…folded pizza! How inventive! Then I realized it was just actually a calzone. A delicious calzone, I might say, but, yeah, a calzone nonetheless.

Anyway, that’s my pizza wrestling story. I do suggest you try this calzone as soon as possible, as it really is kind of perfect.

Accidental Hawaiian Calzone
serves 4

Here’s what I used:

  • 1 ham steak, cubed (about a cup)
  • 1 cup fresh pineapple, cubed
  • pasta sauce
  • 1 pound store-bought pizza dough
  • 6-8 part-skim mozzarella cheese slices
  • salt and pepper
  • corn meal
  • flour

Here’s what I should have done:

  1. Put your pizza stone in the oven and preheat to 425.
  2. Flour the board and the rolling pin and roll the dough out in all directions, until a large circle is formed.
  3. Remove the pizza stone and place on a trivet or something heat-safe on your counter. Sprinkle the stone with some corn meal. Flour the rolling pin again and place it at one end of the dough circle. Loosely wrap the dough around the rolling pin and roll it all the way around the pin. Use this technique to lift the dough and unroll it on top of the pizza stone.
  4. Once unrolled, spoon a light layer of sauce over the dough, leaving an inch or two at the edge for the crust. Sprinkle with crushed red pepper if desired. Lay out the ham and pineapple chunks, and torn up pieces of mozzarella cheese. Leave as is, or fold over for an awesome calzone.
  5. Bake 20 minutes until delicious and eat it.


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